Solutions for Stay-at-home Struggles

Parents around the world have been adjusting to stay-at-home orders due to Covid-19 and I am hearing from parents about the struggles they are experiencing. If you're struggling at home, you aren't alone. Many of the challenges I am hearing are the same or similar: more tantrums, balancing work and overseeing schoolwork, managing remote learning, family on top of one another, no space, explaining this situation to younger children, helping older children cope with being away from friends, and more...

Whether you practice Positive Discipline or not, I am going to share tips and tools to that may be helpful as you and your family navigate the current circumstances. The first is:

Routines

There are MANY benefits to routines including: providing structure and predictability, efficiency, skill-building, developing feelings of capability, problem-solving, teamwork. Especially during times of change, routines can provide a sense of reliability, familiarity, and consistency.
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When virtual learning started for us, I created a daily schedule (a school-at-home routine) that DID NOT WORK. Schoolwork was not being done. We had meltdowns. The "school day" was lasting into the evening. Everyone was unhappy. Instead of holding onto the routine or getting discouraged, we made changes and adapted until we found a better fit. This is what has been working:

Left: Morning Routine
My boys (4yo/6yo) and I created this together. They have used a morning routine chart for over a year so they were familiar with the process. We don't have access to our usual materials, so the boys came up with the steps and I drew the pictures. 

Right: Schoolwork Routine
I created this based on trial and error. The consistency lies in the layout. The date and Morning Routine are always at the top. The subjects change daily based on what is assigned by the teachers. I put the subjects in order based on what works better for my son to stay motivated. He gets to check things off as he completes them and then chooses 1 thing from the optional list. 

A few important points about routines:

1. Routines are not just for children. Everyone benefits from routines. Based on the routine my boys follow, I know when I can plan to focus on my work. Some  of you may need to adjust your child's routine around your work schedule if you have timed commitments so you know that you will be available to help when your child is working on something challenging. 
2. It's a personal - not everyone's routines look the same. Routines can vary between children in the same family. Both of my boys follow the same morning routine but the rest of their morning looks very different.
3. They evolve. The key to routines is finding what works for you in your current circumstances. Your ideal routine during non-Covid-19 times may not work for you right now. When we first started remote learning, I created a schoolwork routine that mimicked the school schedule thinking the consistency would be helpful. It was a disaster. The home environment is totally different and we needed to adapt.
4. Consistency and Flexibility are important and not mutually exclusive. Consistency is important for a routine to work AND it is important to know when a routine needs to change to work for you and your circumstances. 
5. Routines should work for you, not the other way around. Keeping your desired outcome in mind is important. It isn't about the routine, it's about the goals your routine helps you accomplish. 

  

Example | A morning routine for your children may have helped them to get out the door for school on time. Now, getting to school on time isn't a goal. Perhaps now a morning routine for your children helps them feel some familiarity amidst a time of change, jumpstarts them into completing their schoolwork for the day without hassle, or gives you some time in the morning to sit-down and have a cup of coffee without having to "manage" the morning. The pre-Covid morning routine may have been based on a specific time frame. The stay-at-home morning routine may be more relaxed when it comes to timing and probably doesn't include making lunch, packing a backpack, or putting on shoes. It may also include more opportunities for skill-building if being on-time is not a primary goal.

Lastly, routines can help make transitions easier. When stay-at-home is over and we are returning to work and school, routines can help us make that transition smoother. Following a routine is a skill that can be adapted as circumstances necessitate change. ​

If you'd like to create a routine chart for your child, you can find the steps, some helpful tips, and some examples from Dr. Jane Nelsen and Mary Nelsen Tamborski on the Positive Discipline website.